The thing about starting a blog, or reinventing a blog might be a better description in my case, with a focus on turning it into a career of sorts is that, when you are not super-tech-savvy, you end up spending hours trying to “get educated.” When you spend hours upon hours attempting to educate yourself about how best to “launch” and “optimize” and “mobile-friendly-ize” and “promote” and “superfluffenate” your site, you don’t have the time or energy to actually write!
Yeah, for those who are wondering, I made that last one up just now.
But that’s about how it all sounds to me by the time I’ve spent a few hours trying to understand one of these techie concepts for making this site “the best”.
So I am craving the time or maybe the permission to just write. To just let my mind unload and sort and to perhaps even arrange a comprehensible post to share with you all.
I’d like to tell you about the great time we had with all four of the kids here Sunday to cook out. How rare it is for that to happen. How Tommy and I are a bit concerned that some of the kids seemed a little distant. How we’re not sure if it’s just a busy time for them or if we should prod a little and find out what’s up. How we worry that maybe we worry too much. Heh. I’d like to tell you how, at long last, they’ve almost got Casey’s Jeep back together so at least one of Tommy’s projects will be done soon and maybe I can get my husband back for awhile.
About how I sometimes get so bummed when he comes home from work with the phone stuck to his ear, still dealing with problems there or chatting it up with a friend and I am left standing on the porch, waiting for him to actually, totally “get home”. How even though he tries to let me know he is glad to see me by rushing in for a quick “hi” before heading out to the shop for the rest of the night, I begin to feel abandoned after a few weeks of this.
And then I think about all the years we actually existed in this sort of state for months at a time. I guess it stirs up the way I felt during our “dark secret” years and makes me feel hollow and sad. I don’t want to go back to that, but sometimes there’s just not a lot either of us can do about it. And when it’s not his work or an emergency that creates this situation, it makes it even harder to keep resentment at bay, ya know?
SoooOOOoooo…there you have it. Between feeling super-frustrated that this site isn’t doing better
(am I being too impatient? is my content that bad? is there too much diversity with my topics? am I just a lot more boring than I thought? or is it actually that I don’t have all those techie things figured out and employed? ARGH!)
and feeling pretty lonely at home, I’m in a funk. My brain is tired from trying to figure all the stuff out, from wondering why I don’t have more subscribers or likes or comments and when you add the fact that I’m just physically tired (more tired than I should be, in my opinion) and I’m worrying about how that’s gonna affect this trip to Orlando, it just has me all messed up inside.
I know this is just a season, a phase, a moment in time and things will get better as time goes on. But I am impatient and I’m fretful. When it comes to my marriage and the healing that we’ve had, I don’t wanna mess around with it. I don’t want to risk falling into old habits and bottle everything up the way I used to do.
I know God will honor our intentions to protect our marriage, to not take for granted how He has miraculously held us together and healed us. We just have to be sure those are more than just intentions! We have to turn them into actions.
I’m a little more than awed at the way the scripture from Sunday’s sermon (thanks, Terrance Brooks!) applies to this situation…
Revelation 2:5 “Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.”
Hey y’all. I’m working so hard, trying to increase traffic here…build an audience, a subscription list, whatever else a successful blogger does. Most of the time, I feel like I’m just flopping around, splashing water into the floor, making a mess.
I see some steadiness in the amount of traffic, so I suspect some of you are just awesomely loyal readers and probably close friends who stop by often to see what crazy thing I’ve posted. I am so thankful for you!
I know I’ve said it before, but this blogging thing is a big deal to me. I started it after months and months of stewing and praying about whether I should even try. I’ve blogged off and on for about 16 years, so it seemed like the natural thing for me to do…try to monetize the thing I am so passionate about. I felt (and still feel, btw) that God was really nudging me in this direction and so, even though I didn’t feel completely ready, I took the plunge. I plopped down what little was left from our tax refund and started this site.
Looking back, a month later now, I see many mistakes. I think most of them are easily overcome though and not the kind that will break me or the blog. I still don’t understand stupid AdSense or why my husband can get an account with them like snap that and me, with my two (now three!) google accounts, can’t get any of them approved. I’m not sure I’m missing much though. I’m learning that AdSense isn’t the end-all-be-all it has been purported to be, so I have pursued other means of generating income through my blog.
Some of them I am pleased about, and some I will be glad when I can be done with. And no, for the record, I haven’t made a single cent so far. That really concerns me, but I have to remind myself how new it all is. I can’t do it all at once and I need to be patient.
But BOY, is that hard!!
Today, when I went to look at a “blogging schedule” thingie I got from the web, for today it says to post about relaxing. BAHAHAHA!! What is that even?!? I don’t have time right now to relax, and certainly not about the state of my blog. Some of these ‘blog helps’ aren’t really geared toward me, ya know? Many of the blogs in these groups are about how to create a successful website, how to find a niche to build, how to monetize and market whatever you are selling.
I just wanna share life with my readers. I want to encourage and inspire. I want my readers to leave feeling better than they did when they pulled up my site. I want them to find the courage to go on, the determination to stick it out. The comfort of knowing they are not alone, the peace of knowing someone else out here has been where they are. I want the person with t1d to find a friend, someone to commiserate with and rejoice in whatever victories we accomplish as PWD’s. (persons with diabetes)
I want the homeschooling mom to know she can do it and I know she can because I did it. I want her to know that the great mistake she feels she’s made is not the end. That she and her children are far better off just because she tried to teach them at home, whether she continues or not. And no matter what, as long as she is trying to do her very best for her kids, she is a winner!
I want that couple who is struggling with some sexual incompatibility or physical problem to know they are not alone. I want them to realize it’s okay to talk about it and that there are people out here who can help, both professionals and people like me who have been there, done that. I want that woman to know she’s not the first or only one to be facing what she is, and that she need not bury herself in depression and self-hatred or guilt because there is hope. I want to keep her and her husband from living the hell that we did for 30 years and to find healing and hope!
More than all this, I want people to know there is hope, no matter what the situation is, there is hope. There is peace to be had, no matter how big the mess or how damaged their soul, Peace is there for the asking in the person of Jesus Christ. I want them to know that it is because of Jesus that I am alive today. That I’m able to share and talk about the issues, struggles and problems in my life. Ultimately, I believe this is the reason God has been urging me to write.
I haven’t touched my book in over 6 months, but perhaps soon I’ll dig back into it. I still feel He is calling me to write it, but I’m at another crossroad about which direction to take with it. (ANY feedback would be appreciated on this, folks!!) The book has lived in my head for many years as a sort-of memoir, a story of my life and how I have dealt with diabetes, the depression and all the other physical and emotional side effects of having a chronic disease for so long. However, as we have come to this place of healing in our marriage, I feel THAT is also a topic that needs to be shared. It, of course, is much more personal, deeply painful but ultimately hopeful since our long journey through this has ended with our beginning the healing process. My conundrum is should these be separate or combined?
You probably didn’t know this, but I have a problem with compartmentalizing. ha ha! Meaning, I can’t do it. You may have noticed I began this post talking about the blog and now, here I am asking for input and suggestions for a direction of a book! I need help with my wandering mind, my rambling style of writing.
I know there are some writers out there who read here occasionally. I also know there are lots of readers who come here too. I want to hear from you! What appeals to you in a book? What topics are you most interested in? What are you most interested in learning more about? Help me out!
I look forward to a great discussion and some awesome feedback and suggestions! Let’s help each other!