I went back to the pelvic health therapist again yesterday. We did the biofeedback, which was very informative and surprising. I was honestly expecting to find that my muscles were super-tight, perpetually stressed.
Turns out, according to the results, my “stuff” isn’t extremely tight after all. I do seem to have weak muscles, as a matter of fact. Which either created or resulted from poor muscle control. It was, like I said, informative and surprising, but also strange/weird. Ha ha… She had me tense my pelvic floor muscles for a few seconds, up to a minute, then relax. The biofeedback showed that my contractions were pretty weak, but that, contrary to what we expected, the muscles actually do relax after instead of steadily increasing in tension.
That’s so totally opposite of what my symptoms seem to point to… that my muscles were overly tight and unable to relax. I guess that leads to realizing that the problem is more due to the scar tissue and the trauma of the pain and conditioning over the years to tighten in response.
*sigh* I was kinda hoping this would be more physical than that, and be something we could “exercise” (HAHA!) out of me instead of having to retrain my mind. Muscles, I believe, are much MUCH easier to retrain than a brain.
Hubby was able to go with me this time, which was good. I wasn’t feeling really great about driving up there by myself. He ordered himself some shoes last week and we had hoped they would be there for us to pick up yesterday. But of course, they weren’t in and we are leaving for Nashville after church Sunday. He really wanted to have them in time to wear at his conference. If they come in before Sunday, we may end up driving up there (in the opposite direction of our destination) to get them, THEN drive down to Nashville, which is a 3 1/2-hour drive anyway! Ugh.
I’m working on getting laundry done and attempting to get the house in a teeny bit better shape before we go. I swear, it’s so horrible now. Just stuff… papers and little things scattered all over. I made a stab at it Sunday afternoon and cleared, or at least organized, all the papers piled up on the bar. It’s still a mess since when Hubby got up from napping, he insisted we go out and get some landscaping done. He had picked up a truckload of gravel for the three trees in the back yard, so he pulled all the weeds out, pulled up the filter fabric and de-rooted it then we replaced the fabric and shoveled the rocks around the trees. That was encouraging, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to do. He had done a great service/tune-up job on our old (a 1976 model!) John Deere lawn tractor, replacing the blades, belts and changing oil and other fluids. When he mowed last week, it was SO evident all the work he’d done on it because the yard looked better than it has in ages! Even and smooth. Now with some of the landscaping refreshed in the back, I am getting encouraged to keep it going, get the house in shape, get the rest of the landscaping cleaned up (the areas right next to the house are a mess!) and get busy with some cookouts and get-togethers with lots of fun, friends and family.
I’ll close this post out before I ramble into yet another topic. But I’ll add this… it is extremely evident that the worst of the depression has been dealt with. Whether it’s the higher dose of Wellbutrin or just that I’m beginning to get healthier, but although I won’t say I’m “great”, I am definitely better. A lot better.
For that, I am extremely, immensely grateful.
Proverbs 3:5-8 –
“5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.”
I feel this urge to write. To “make a post” here, but….
I have no clue what to write about. There’s nothing pressing weighing on my mind really, no earth-shaking updates in my life that I need to make. Just nothing.
But I find that when I sit here with my fingers tapping the keys that sometimes “things” come out. Things that I didn’t know were simmering just below the surface of my awareness, ya know?
Right now, I’m thinking about how I NEED to get some sort of exercise. It’s been almost a week since I’ve been on my bike. Hubby has had to work late every evening there was a scheduled ride and even on the days when it was just nice “bike ride” weather. Things have been crazy at work. It’s weird because when he calls to tell me he won’t be home in time, it’s almost like I feel relieved. Even though I enjoy riding, I guess it’s the process of getting ready to go actually do it that I hate. Maybe? I dunno…
I’m also thinking about how I am tired of cramping. If there are any male specimens reading, this might be the time to look away. (ha ha ha!) I was a little insulted when I went to the new gynecologist back in January and she looked surprised when I told her, yes, i still get my periods. I mean, c’mon! I realize I’m a lot closer to 50 now, but that doesn’t mean I should automatically dry up and stop doing my womanly ‘duty’, does it? Maybe it’s rare for women past 45 to still have their periods? Or maybe for a woman of that age to still even have her uterus at all what with hysterectomies being so prevalent these days
Anyhow, so I’m thinking maybe I need to go back on the progesterone cream for awhile. I first used it about 12 years ago when I was ready to get myself a hysterectomy just to avoid the misery that was mine every month. I had horrendously long, heavy, clotty periods… like 7-8 days long and occasionally I’d do that twice a month! And the cramping!! Oh my gosh, how awful it was!! At that time, a friend suggested progesterone cream, which I’d never even heard of…so I dragged myself to the health food store and picked some up.
I used it every day up until the day my period started, then stayed off it for 6 days (I think.. maybe it was a week) and then started it again, over and over. I used it for about 3 years and was never so pleased with how something worked in my life. I went to 4-5 day long cycles that were much, MUCH lighter and hardly any cramping at all. A MAJOR difference from pre-prog-cream days of being incapacitated by the pain and flooding “super-sizes” of all varieties for a week at a time.
I probably haven’t used the cream in a good 6 years or more. And my periods are still much lighter than what had been my norm, but I’ve started getting horrendous acne and having a bit more cramping in the week or so prior to starting. Maybe it’s time to get back on the wagon for awhile?
I know there is another regimen for using the cream during menopause, but I’ve NEVER missed a period… like I said, I sometimes have two in a month, so I don’t think I’m “there” yet, but maybe doing that routine would even help with the cramping and acne? I dunno… I’ll hafta do some research.
Ugh. Just discovered that maybe all the cramping for today may NOT be from the monthly. Although it is time for that and I’m sure that’s what it has been up until now, but ugh! Intestinal distress is mine today and I’m not sure why. Sheesh.
Okay, so that was a li’l TMI… sorry. Anyhow, see what I mean about when I sit down to write sometimes things just “come out”? Occasionally that is literal as well. BAHAHA! (sorry…potty humor!)
I haven’t got much done around the house. It seems when I start thinking about what all needs to be done, I get so overwhelmed because there is SO much that needs doing. *sigh* I have all the Christmas stuff down and put in boxes, but the boxes still sit in the living room, which is our unused room, not the family room where we live/watch TV.
I need Hubby’s help to get them back into the attic and he hasn’t seemed to feel it necessary to even attempt to do that. I think I will try maybe Friday after he gets off work and see if I can get him to carry them up the ladder for me. I’m puke sick of those boxes in there. And I mean probably a dozen big totes, not just a few shoe boxes, okay? They take up the entire room. I think if I could get those out of the way, maybe, just maybe I would get energized and focused enough to start making some headway on the house altogether.
Perhaps I’ll put together a list of what needs to be done and the projects I’d like to accomplish and post that here. Not sure I’m that brave just yet, even though no one really reads this. It is accessible and people could see it if they chose to read. *sigh* We’ll see.
But as for accomplishing anything, yesterday WAS a little better than usual. I got up and took our tax stuff to the CPA at 10. Then I went by my doctor’s office, the GP, and picked up the orders she’d written almost a month ago for physical therapy for my neck and shoulders. I kept forgetting to stop and get it…that is after they forgot to even give them to me. *ugh* After that, I went to the grocery store. Got the ingredients I needed to make some Chicken Enchilada soup I’d shown to Hubby and we agreed sounded yummy. Then I stopped at the gym and laid for a few minutes in the tanning bed. Toyed with the idea of going there to actually work out a little soon, but I detest driving to the gym. I know, I am pathetic. After that, I went to the bank to see about getting the app on my phone working again. After it updated, I had to re-input my info and it kept telling me my security answers were wrong when I KNEW they were right! Talk about embarrassing! Turns out instead of entering the month and year of my anniversary, I was supposed to be putting in the month and DAY. Sheesh! Thankfully the woman who helped me apparently runs into this a lot with customers and she just laughed with me and told me it happens all the time. Suffice to say, I didn’t tell Hubby how they remedied the problem. Ha ha!!
After the bank, I went to the therapy place my mom recommended. She’s been to a lot of physical and occupational therapy over the years, so I figure she knows which one is the best. That took a long time because they don’t participate with my insurance company. The nice lady offered to call them though, since I have two separate policies with them to see if that would make a difference.
It didn’t, of course. She showed me the difference in doing it out-of-network versus “in network”. Quite an expensive difference. *sigh* I would be “allowed” 50 less visits and each one would cost twice the amount. Nice.
One of the therapists was sitting at another desk and when I said I’d better just check around first, she started telling me that she was hearing from patients that their office does much more “hands on” therapy than others. Meaning, I gathered, that they actually do some muscle manipulation (massage) where the others just put a TENS unit and some heat on you and have you do some neck stretches. I swear, I think a few good massages would probably fix my stupid neck anyhow.
THEN they tell me that their other office, about 35 miles away, DOES accept my insurance. Now first of all, I’ve never heard of a medical group where one office takes an insurance but the other doesn’t. That doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. But that’s what I was told. I asked how often they thought I’d have to go and was told probably twice a week in order to help the problem as quick as possible.
Now, I am starting the pelvic therapy in Lexington with once a week visits in about 4 more weeks. I just don’t think I could handle a 100-mile trip to Lexington and another two 35-mile trips each week on the interstate. I just think that might possibly increase my stress level, ya know? And that’s not counting the 50+ miles every other week to see my therapist in Richmond.
Too much driving for me. Ugh!
So I’m not sure what I’ll do about my daggone neck. I might try just going to my chiropractor and see if getting aligned will help any. Knowing my history with that, the muscles are probably so tight, I won’t be able to stay in alignment from one appointment to the next.
Ugh! Sucks to be me, right? Heh. Oh well…
Okay, so to finish up my tale of accomplishment from yesterday…once I finally got home, I gathered the eggs, found we had got another monster one and promptly had to send a picture to Hubby and the kids:
And then I had to send another one once I got inside and put them in these cups to compare the size:
And after all that fun, I tidied up the kitchen (read: cleaned up the mess that was there so I could cook) and fixed the enchilada soup. That took a little longer than I expected, but after I got all that done, I even cleaned up that mess too and put on a load of laundry and swept the kitchen floor.