Tag: frustration


craving creativity & him…


the worst is missing someone you see every day!

The thing about starting a blog, or reinventing a blog might be a better description in my case, with a focus on turning it into a career of sorts is that, when you are not super-tech-savvy, you end up spending hours trying to “get educated.”  When you spend hours upon hours attempting to educate yourself about how best to “launch” and “optimize” and “mobile-friendly-ize” and “promote” and “superfluffenate” your site, you don’t have the time or energy to actually write!

Yeah, for those who are wondering, I made that last one up just now.

But that’s about how it all sounds to me by the time I’ve spent a few hours trying to understand one of these techie concepts for making this site “the best”.

So I am craving the time or maybe the permission to just write.  To just let my mind unload and sort and to perhaps even arrange a comprehensible post to share with you all.

I’d like to tell you about the great time we had with all four of the kids here Sunday to cook out.  How rare it is for that to happen.  How Tommy and I are a bit concerned that some of the kids seemed a little distant.  How we’re not sure if it’s just a busy time for them or if we should prod a little and find out what’s up.  How we worry that maybe we worry too much.  Heh.  I’d like to tell you how, at long last, they’ve almost got Casey’s Jeep back together so at least one of Tommy’s projects will be done soon and maybe I can get my husband back for awhile.

the worst thing is missing someone you see every day!

About how I sometimes get so bummed when he comes home from work with the phone stuck to his ear, still dealing with problems there or chatting it up with a friend and I am left standing on the porch, waiting for him to actually, totally “get home”.  How even though he tries to let me know he is glad to see me by rushing in for a quick “hi” before heading out to the shop for the rest of the night, I begin to feel abandoned after a few weeks of this.

And then I think about all the years we actually existed in this sort of state for months at a time.  I guess it stirs up the way I felt during our “dark secret” years and makes me feel hollow and sad.  I don’t want to go back to that, but sometimes there’s just not a lot either of us can do about it.  And when it’s not his work or an emergency that creates this situation, it makes it even harder to keep resentment at bay, ya know?

SoooOOOoooo…there you have it.  Between feeling super-frustrated that this site isn’t doing better

(am I being too impatient?  is my content that bad?  is there too much diversity with my topics?  am I just a lot more boring than I thought?  or is it actually that I don’t have all those techie things figured out and employed?  ARGH!)

and feeling pretty lonely at home, I’m in a funk.  My brain is tired from trying to figure all the stuff out, from wondering why I don’t have more subscribers or likes or comments and when you add the fact that I’m just physically tired (more tired than I should be, in my opinion) and I’m worrying about how that’s gonna affect this trip to Orlando, it just has me all messed up inside.

I know this is just a season, a phase, a moment in time and things will get better as time goes on.  But I am impatient and I’m fretful.  When it comes to my marriage and the healing that we’ve had, I don’t wanna mess around with it.  I don’t want to risk falling into old habits and bottle everything up the way I used to do.

I know God will honor our intentions to protect our marriage, to not take for granted how He has miraculously held us together and healed us.  We just have to be sure those are more than just intentions!  We have to turn them into actions.

I’m a little more than awed at the way the scripture from Sunday’s sermon (thanks, Terrance Brooks!) applies to this situation…

Revelation 2:5  “Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.”

Blessings!

G~


#13: things that make a t1d scream!


Advisory:  this post is likely to contain ranting and growling.  You have been warned.

So I am on my last bottle of test strips.  Like, halfway through it, matter of fact.  I get my pump and testing supplies from a mail order company.  Most brick-and-mortar pharmacies don’t carry such things, at least I’ve never experienced that in our area.  I have ordered from this one company as long as I’ve had my pump, so over 12 years now.  I’ve had various insurance companies in that time and never had a problem.

Until now.  The supply company will usually call about a week before delivery is scheduled to make sure of what I need them to send.  I got that call about three weeks ago.  All I needed on this shipment was test strips.  Fine, they say.  Two weeks later and no strips.  I call to see what’s up.  I’m on hold off and on for quite awhile.  The lady seems confused and finally tells me someone from shipping will call me.

The next day, I get the call and am informed that the company (CCS Medical, for clarity) is not contracted with my “new” insurance (new since January!) and I’ll have to get supplies elsewhere.  When I asked for some suggestions, I was told, “Call your insurance company.”

So I did.  That lady seemed a little confused too or at least she had problems finding any suppliers for me to contact.  Finally, she gives me a company, Liberty Medical (of all places!) so I hang up with her and call the number she gave me for Liberty.  I’m on hold forEVER listening to the endless “We will be with you shortly” messages until suddenly the message changes to “If you’ll leave your name, number and info, we will call you back.”  Okay, so I did that.  Two days later, NO call back.

I’m pretty ticked by now, as you might imagine.  I go online and send Liberty an email.  The addy is something like libertycares[at]liberty-blah-blah-blah… yeah.  I’m not buying that!  I have STILL not received ANY response whatsoever!!

I am fuming now, so I call the lady at my endo’s office who sets patients up with new pumps, CGMs and checks insurance coverage for such things.  She was supposed to be seeing about getting me a Dexcom CGM since this new insurance is supposed to cover them.  (more about that in a moment)  I dial in her extension directly and get her machine.  I leave her a message with the info, letting her know that I’m going to be completely out of strips soon.  That was around 10 am, so I really expected to get a call back, but nope.

Next day, I wait til after lunch and call the office again.  This time I dial the DNE (Diabetes Nurse Educator) who happens to be my endo’s wife as well.  Her message informs me that she’ll be out of the office til Tuesday, but I leave a message for her anyway in case she’s checking them while she’s gone.  Seriously, this office has always been great about returning calls so I am really puzzled by the lack of communication from them.

I then hang up and call right back to leave basically the same message for my endo’s assistant.  I make sure to tell ALL of them that I am going to be OUT OF STRIPS soon.

For those who don’t get this, test strips are crucial to knowing what’s going on with my sugars, to deciding how much insulin to give or how much to eat/not eat.  They basically tell you what you need to do to keep your diabetes in good control.

angry face

Yes, I can go buy them out of pocket, but I would MUCH rather not have to do that, as you might imagine.  I HAVE blasted insurance for this very reason!  ARGH!!

So, I STILL have no contact, no response from ANYONE and I’m skipping tests to try and make these stupid things last til Monday hoping that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE will flippin’ contact me and get this straightened out.

I am SO mad you can’t even imagine.  WHY do they do things like this?  From stupid CCS (who could have informed me instead of just not sending the shipment) to Anthem who could have been a lot more helpful in making sure I could get my supplies to flippin’ Liberty which is a total fail in the customer service department and who I will NOT do business with if there’s any way around it.  And now my endo’s office!??!  SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE?!?!

screaming man

Sorry for the rant, but this is so unnecessary.  If these industries were TRULY for the patients, this wouldn’t happen.  I guess I’ll be heading to Wally’s to pick up some cheap-o generic strips til I can get someone to do their job out there.  sigh

Happy Mom’s day & have a great weekend!!  🙂

Blessings,

G~